Dear Cancer,

Dear BC,

I felt I needed to write to you to get some things off my
chest. I have, as you know, been really upset and down
lately. This is all your fault. Sorry if this sounds
harsh, but it’s fact.

For the past 2 weeks you have been so cruel and horrible
to me, you have abused my body as if it were worth
nothing.

I try to stay positive. I try to stay strong, even though
all the time you are hurting me and continue to do so. I
feel that I am constantly living in fear of you. It’s not
right and it’s not fair. You don’t care about the
devastation that you leave behind. I seem to be always
taking one step forward and 3 steps back with you.

It would be a bit easier to handle if I thought that you
really didn’t mean it, but no, you are aggresive with it
as well. You don’t care that you are hurting me, my family
and friends. Infact I have since found out that there are
more women that you do this to. Why do you do this all the time? Do you get a kick out of it?

Your sick, spiteful, selfish and downright cruel!!

Do you know what though BC? I have grown in the past 2
weeks. I have learnt to be strong, to be positive, and
while I have breath in my body I am going to fight you!
I will not lay down and just accept the way you treat me.
No more Mrs nice person, I am going to be as mean as you.

You see Dear Breast Cancer you are not going to beat me, I am going to beat you!!!

Yours
Mrs Faz

Dear Cancer,

Look into my eyes. I think you will see that fear is being replaced with Hope and a bit of Rage. If I were you I would be really , really scared.

So I have news for you: Pay close attention!

- I will not close myself in a dark room and cry with fears that you are getting close to me again.
- I will not be paralyzed just expecting you to come visit again.. .I AM FIGHTING AGAINST YOU and like Amy says… I am playing DEFENSE
- I will not longer be afraid of a move because that may mean new doctors/insurances/etc… We ARE moving … and I will show you that my fight will be better and stronger.
- I will no longer just HOPE for a cure to send you back to the ugly place you came from.. I will be actively involved in actions and organizations that have CURE CANCER on their business plans.

It ’s ok Cancer… are you scared? It is ok..

Just Bow to me and walk/stay away .. I have my life, my family that need me without having ALWAYS your stupid name coming up.

Oh ..and one more thing: remember all the weight ( literally ) that you left behind??? yes , that one from all the *shit* you had me take so I could stay alive and Kick your ass??? Oh… I am happy to tell you that that too is on its way out. I am back on my skinny jeans ( oh, skinny for me at least! )

So Cancer… SAYONARA … bye bye…tchuss ! Go get lost ! I am seriously DONE with you.

big kiss
xo
fg

Posted originally at:

http://backoffcancer.blogspot.com/2009/01/dear-cancer.html

Dear Cancer,

You snuck into my life like a thief in the night. You mutilated my body, destroyed my finances, messed with my mind, took away family and friends who couldn’t deal with you in my life anymore, you made my daughter afraid when you kept coming back because once is never enough with you; but guess what…you don’t get to win. Somewhere in my soul a candle of hope still burns and the flame gets higher everyday with the love and support I have found here. I hate you, sometimes fear you; but I will NEVER let you win.

DianaLB

Dear Cancer,

Getting a cancer diagnosis is probably one of the most devastating things a person has to experience. I can only imagine what a person who has heard the words, “You’ve got cancer.” must feel, but that doesn’t mean I can’t sympathize with the situation and tell you that I love you.

You read all of the time about people telling you how to cope with cancer and what your treatment options are, so I’m not going to do that. What I am going to do is to tell you that you are on my heart and on my mind, and I promise to say a prayer for you every day that you will be strengthened by this journey you’re on.

My father, Willie, was having some issues with his stomach late last year. His doctors believed he had some blockage in his intestines, so they decided to do surgery to see what they could find. Well, they found something, and what they found was not promising. Daddy had a cancerous tumor that was blocking his colon.

I remember vividly sitting in the waiting room during his surgery and the doctor coming out, stone-faced, and I stood to my feet. We were expecting to hear that his surgery had gone well and the blockage had been removed. Dr. Ward looked us squarely in the eyes and said, “We’ve found cancer.” My stepmother immediately started crying, but not me.

If there is one thing I know, I know that God is able. And as if that weren’t already enough, I know my dad is a trooper. I instantly thought that if anyone could get the diagnosis and beat it, surely, it was him. We affectionately call him “The Bull” because of his rough and tough exterior, but inside he’s just a sweet little pony. (smile)

I can’t say that my heart didn’t skip a beat when the doctor told us the news, but I can tell you a few things grounded me in that instance. First, my faith. Then, my love for my dad and his zest for life.

I didn’t flinch as I asked the physician, “So, what’s next?” He said, “Well, I believe I’ve removed all of it, and it doesn’t look like it has spread. But, we won’t know for sure until we receive the tests back from the lymph nodes we took in the surrounding area. That could take up to a week.” Then, he reassured us Daddy was doing well from surgery and was in recovery.

I’m happy to say The Bull’s story ends well. The cancer hadn’t spread, and he would be fine. But had his tummy not been bothering him, we probably would have not known cancer was alive and well inside his body until it was too late.

I know everyone’s story doesn’t end like his. And I didn’t tell you that to make you feel bad if your experience isn’t looking like it will end well. What I do want to offer you is hope. Hope and belief that even if cancer costs you your life, that other good things may come from it like how something like this pulls and welds families together.

So, if you’re living with cancer or experienced it the way I have, through a loved one, a diagnosis doesn’t have to be the end. Everything happens for a reason. Whatever season you’re in with this disease, please know that my heart goes out to you.

And please also know that just as I ached for my father’s well-being, I ache for yours. My prayer is that a cure will be found to stave off this disease once and for all. But until it is discovered, take heart that someone out there loves you and is praying on your behalf. May God bless you and your family as you navigate the rough waters of a cancer diagnosis. I love you. Take care.

Dear Cancer,

You’re crazy if you think I’m going to let you win. I’m still here and I’m gonna fight you like you wouldn’t believe. There are millions that have faced you before and won and I will be one of them. I know that you are beatable and I will do everything in my power to beat you. I have countless people to support me and they mean so much to me that we are going to beat you. So, I hope you’re ready for a battle because I am bringing everything I got to fight you. I’ll talk to every doctor in the world if I have to, and I’ll spend every minute of my time finding ways to improve my health and get you out. Have you seen what hospitals have lately — you’re gonna be gone.

Bye!!!

Dear Cancer,

You have taken away three women that I love dearly. I’m so frustrated… and I’m angry…and I’m so confused. How can you do this to these moms, friends, parents, role models, supports? I miss them, daily.

Dear Cancer,

My cancer is not really a cancer at all. It is a thought process. A continual need to seek affirmation in all the wrong places. I cannot control it. But I must learn to live with this.

Dear Cancer,

I hate you. You have taken away so many people I love and you have taken my breasts and my innocence and my belief in my own good health and longevity. I’ll never forgive you for that. I hate you, hate you, hate you.

Dear Cancer,

A little more then two weeks ago, cancer took my Mother & Best Friend away from me. My Mother was 63 years old and died from a year and a half battle with cervical cancer. After endless rounds of chemo and radiation and and far too many sleepless night filled with back pain, nausea, constipation and fear the cancer took my Mother’s life. The cancer eventually spread to other areas of her body including her lymph nodes, liver and the start of her lungs and kidneys. I can’t beging to tell you how cancer robbed my Mother not only of her hair but her dignity and respect. She was a beautiful woman filled with joy, happiness and a zest for lift. In many ways my Mother just started living her life as a “senior” and cancer robbed her of that, of growing to an old little woman with gray hair. I am a 33 year old married woman who will have to spend the rest of my life mourning and missing my Mother, my children will never my Mother’s warm embrace and they will never know how much she would have loved them or how much I loved her, no matter how many pictures I could fill one up with. I was my Mother’s sole caretaker putting my life on hold for my mother, I don’t regret any of it for one second, but now as not only her caretaker but as her daughter and best friend, I am completely lost without her. I can’t even begin to express the sadness I feel in my heart and how many times in these past 2 short weeks I have gone to pick up the phone and call her, I now call her cell phone everyday just so I can hear her voice on her message. Cancer not only took my Mother away from her loving family but cancer has taken a piece of my life away as well. This weekend is Mother’s Day the first without my Mother, my Mother will always live in my mind and heart but I have to tell you I would much rather have my Mother here with me then for her to be my guardian angel.

Dear Cancer,

I hate you! You are evil, sneaky, ugly, and cruel. You hide yourself til it is too late. You took my beloved husband, Gene. You took my “Honey Bunny”, my life, my best friend, my lover. You took my happiness away from me and made him suffer. You are the devil incarnate.

Just when he started to feel a little better after all the radiation and chemotherapy, you decided to take him down once and for all. You robbed us of everything. We never got to say good bye to each other. Gene was on a ventilator most of his last two weeks on this earth. Also, he was sedated most of the time. When he did wake up, he was scared and angry. He never wanted anyone to see him like that. Finally, he could fight no longer because you took over full force. You invaded his lungs to the point where he could never improve. I had to give him permission to go with God. He was so worried about me and how I would fare without him. I told him that I would be okay and that I loved him. He went quietly.

You may have won that battle, cancer, but there are strides of hope out there to beat you out of existence!
Then we can all say “Good riddance!”

Dear Cancer,

If I could grasp and get an understanding I really wish I could. How cancer pops out of no where, how cancer has the power to ruin my life and the life of my family. How cancer has no rhyme or reason to attack who I feel is the nicest most influential person in my life. I feel that the disease is rotting away at me. It’s rotting at my Core, rotting at my being. That cancer didn’t only kill my mother it’s killing me. It’s making me suffer, it’s making me feel numb, it makes me feel like not to celebrate or be excited about anything because we don’t know when it will come back. Cancer took away the health of my Mom. She was a roly poly individual with a full big belly and full big heart. She rotted away physically to a person I didn’t know. It made her have altered mental status during the days that I needed my Mom most. A time when I was beyond stressed out and I went into the room begging for my Mom to be there to hear about my day. And she was gone. Having no idea of who I was. I just needed my Mom. MY MOM! My Dad and my family is lost. LOST! We’re fragmenting and falling apart with no one to put us back on the path, back on the right way. I feel that I pray for the day that my death comes just to be reassured that I can see my Mom again. Not in a suicide way because I don’t believe that…. although I would have if my Mom wanted to kill herself I think I would have let her. Because then the cancer wouldn’t have won. It wouldn’t have won. Cancer made my mom’s death painful and ugly. Not peaceful, like going to sleep. She was agitated, she fought with me, my Dad and climbed and climbed out of bed. Then she began vomiting blood. Vomiting blood every where…. just when we thought it was over.

Sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed. I’m tired of crying at least once a week for something I can’t change. I try to do the right things best by my mother. But at times I don’t feel like she exists with us anymore. That cancer snatched her away and I never get the chance to know or feel her again. Thanks Cancer. The only thing that ever had the capability to shock us and batter us into reality. The thing that physically sucked the life out of my Mom and the rest of us. I don’t understand. I don’t understand. And I don’t think I should have to. But I’m scared for myself and my family and my friends that cancer will invade again. Again and Again. You won I really think I’m defeated.

Dear Cancer,

I found out in April I had 3 tumors on my thyroid therefore after testing it was decided that I needed a total thyroidectomy. My surgery was done in early May and the frozen section of 1 of the tumors taken during surgery was benign however when the final pathology report came back 2 tumors, 1 on each side of thyroid, were cancerous ( papillary and follicular). Needless to say I was terrified. I began seeing my endocronologist for treatment. I had to wait about a month and a half before we could do anything as before my surgery I had a CAT scan with iodine dye and we had to wait for the iodine to get out of my body. I then did a 24 hour urine test and the iodine was out. So, I had to stop my Cytomel and go on a low iodine diet for 2 weeks, which was awful. I had absolutely no energy, very sluggish, very emotional, and the low iodine diet was terrible as there’s not much of anything you can eat. I then had my I-131 radiation treatment and had terrible reactions thus ended up in the ER 2 days later. The following week I went for my whole body scan, which came back looking good. I’m now on Synthroid, which I began July 31st. I am still dealing with no energy, very emotional, sluggish, achy, loss of taste buds, gaining weight, feeling at a loss, and dealing with a husband who makes comments such as, “You’re not the only one dealing with this. I work all day and then have to come home and do everything around the house!” I feel guilty but I just can’t do it. It’s all I can do to get a shower and do a load or two of laundry. I’ve tried to explain that the endo. told me it would take about 6 weeks for the synthroid to really kick in but my husband seems to think he knows everything and that I should be up and running by now and continues to push me to do more. I went to my endo. yesterday as I’ve been having horrible chest pains, very bad acid reflux, loss of balance, and a swollen and very painful salivary gland. I was given some meds. and told to give my synthroid about 5 more weeks and I should begin to start feeling better and that these reactions I’m having are from the radiation and to take it easy and rest and NOT push myself. I explained what the dr. said to my husband and his response was, “so i guess that means I have to go 5 more weeks doing everything.” Well, that really helped me emotionally. He is also a very controlling man, and has no patience at all and is not sympathetic or empathetic. I know he loves me and worries and when he gets scared, it comes out as anger. His mother died of a stroke when he was 8 years old and I think this has alot to do with his seemingly “uncaring” attitude. he is not one to sit and talk things out so I just have to hold my feelings in, I cry a lot and rely on family and friends. He’s really been griping at me lately for everything and of course I’m always wrong and then of course cry and cry. I am sorry for the length of this but I guess I just needed to let things out. If anyone has any suggestions I would greatly appreciate your feedback. Thank you for reading this lengthy explanation. As a side note……I also had my entire large colon removed last July and almost died as I was given too much morphiene thru the pump, I’m also having to see a gynecological oncologist as I’m dealing with female pre-cancerous cells and have already had to have 2 laser surgeries since Dec. to remove the cells. The last biopsies were very close to being cancer. So……..I’m really dealing with a lot and I just need some encouragement to continue to fight the fights. I’m so tired. Again, thank you.

Dear Cancer,

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